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Do you want to exist outside of the bullshit?

When the whole Covid lockdown happened in Ireland I went through the same faze that everyone went through.

Reaching out to people checking on them, people were reaching out and while that was nice I quickly realised how much of the bullshit we have been in for a long time.

The start with this ralization happened:

When firstly someone who I would have considered a friend texted about joining a zoom call with him and some other people I declined because it conflicted with another meeting that I had at the sametime.

We exchanged texts back and forth about how everything is, he asked me what I have been up to because we haven’t seen each other for a while, I told him I am researching drop servicing and started a blog but then he disappeared.

It’s like he went through a blackhole or something 2 weeks later he replies back “sorry for the late reply, how is drop shipping going?”.

Honestly am not someone who pays attention to my phone at all I actually forget that I texted people but the way he texted back kinda communicated that he doesn’t give a fuck and that’s cool, he is as busy as me but from my point if you are busy so why even bother get in touch focus on your things as am already doing my thing.

The second trigger that made me question my place in the shit storm that is “fake niceness and people acting like they care”:

There was this girl that I was seeing once the lockdown was official we couldn’t meet and she didn’t feel comfortable hanging out.

Understandable, it is a weird, crazy time but as people started to give less fucks about the lockdown and the government loosened the lockdown hangout with her was still a problem even though hanging out with some people who were acquaintances was not a problem.

I also noticed the way she communicated with me was different so naturally I started wondering.

So I started probing trying to figure out what’s going on and when I finally saw her and talked with her she said something that made me go “hold on” in my mind.

She said “I don’t want to be in contact because I don’t want us to be locked together”.

Prior to the lockdown I was spending too much time with her and she kinda wanted her space which I get, I fucked up in that sense that I should have paid attention to how much time am spending with her and to her hints about wanting space.

Although before the lockdown once I caught on I was always checking with her to see how she was feeling about my presence and I would go if I felt that “I overstayed my welcome” maybe it was too little too late.

But even after I told her in that meeting what I am looking for out of our relationship and told her I don’t feel like you are engaged with me I still didn’t feel at ease with the relationship she was still being cold.

It all came ahead in a phone call when she told me “I can’t give you what you want and I think it’s best for you that we don’t speak” because I didn’t accept her frame of us just being friends.

We were friends with benefits which what we agreed upon from the start, am in no place to be in a serious relationship anyway.

Anyway I do appreciate that she was straight forward and told me how she felt and I understand that I had a hand in making her want to step away which you know happens that’s how most relationships go anyway they end, sometimes you’re just not the right person that’s fine by me.

The bullshit part comes after a month or so when she texted again trying to talk, asking how I’m doing and saying she misses my friendship.

It’s not that I hold a grudge, on the contrary I would actually like to be with her again but she is the one who asked me to go so if you are not interested in having a sexual relationship then let be to focus on my shit.

Finally the most bullshit moment of them all:

One Tuesday all of instagram was black boxes…it was #blackoutTuesday…am not gonna tell you much about this except a couple of points:

All the bullshit we have created for ourselves:

The next day after all the blackout was done and everyone did their virtue signaling I was out in the park with my friend, took some acid, went home I was in a great mood and then one of my closest friends who is currently living in the UK calls me.

Me being high on acid, him being mind-blown vaping some highly concentrated THC oil we went on a deep dive and that’s when we realised we are both done with bullshit people.

You know those people who ask you how you are but they check out immediately.

The society we humans have created for ourselves is bullshit, like think about it we are exactly like the animals.

All we are trying to do is survive, we are driven by our instincts. If you watch carefully what the animals do in their lives it’s exactly what we do. The only difference is we have created extra steps for ourselves.

Think about it.

All creatures need to take a shit the only difference is animals can go anywhere they want and at some point in our history we used to do the same thing. even now if the circumstances are right you will go in the street.

Think back to that time when you really needed to go after the party was over and all night clubs were closed, All that we are doing is just adding extra steps for ourselves by creating the toilets.

Now I am not saying we should go out and be shitting all over the place but you can’t deny that our society is built on bullshit.

Another thing to think about the diet industry is that it’s completely bullshit, the Dieting industry can actually be summarized in one sentence.

Spend most of your day NOT EATING, eat good shit and workout.

That will solve 90% of people’s health problems, I know some people will need to follow some specific diet because of their health issues but that’s the rare case most people’s health struggle comes from overeating.

But let me take you to a deeper level of Bullshit. isn’t life’s fundamental truth is that it’s bullshit?

Think about it.

Literally we are living on a massive rock spinning in space like Joe Rogan likes to point out often, in a matter of seconds we could all be dead.

Finish off I want to let you know about how much bullshit actually exists in our mind that girl I mentioned earlier my emotional, illogical, unconscious mind…you know the one who is driven by instinct…wants so badly to reach to her, see how she is doing and of course would love to have sex with her again but my logical, conscious, egoestic mind always comes up with reasons why I shouldn’t reach out to her.

We constantly have battles in our minds about this, that and the other thing and in the end it’s all bullshit we will die and 90% of things we cared about will disappear.

So pay attention to your experience.

Don’t feed your mind, body and soul trash.

And for fuck sake you only have one life….enjoy it.

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