Beautiful November

November this year is very beautiful for me. Many precious moments that happened lately. Last October, I just left my boyfriend.

His figure may only stay for a moment in my heart, but my memories with him are very imprinted there. I had thought, once I have it I will be the luckiest woman in the world. The short introduction, the small talk, the sweet treatment, everything is still felt today. I can’t lie to my own feelings, the look on my face, my cheerful laugh, my silly behavior are all just a mask to cover up my sadness at his release. When many of my friends say, you must be fine without him, you can stand alone without him. I always wanted to be able to do it all, but it’s too difficult for me to erase its traces in every clink of my mind.

At first I thought his figure was ready to heal my old wounds, but I had the wrong perception, he came and sowed sweet seductions, when I was lulled, he would disappear very far away. Like poison, sweet yet deadly. The guy who is secretly playing behind with my best friend. I don’t know at that time I was blind or deaf, the point is that many of my friends told me that the man was not good for me, but I still don’t care, I still deny that love can come with time, humans can change at any time. But all my guesses were wrong, they were all right, I was just having a hard time denying all the bad things that would happen in the future.

I’m always afraid to face the fact that he might leave my life forever. The trauma that was lost is now back again, my confidence that was peaking yesterday has now dimmed again. I always thought, am I not worthy to be loved sincerely by someone? I always ask myself, looking in the mirror. It’s true, I’m not that beautiful to be proud of in front of his friends. Am I that ugly, that everyone easily plays with my feelings? I also have a heart, I’m a feeling woman, I can cry, I’m easily hurt with just words. Maybe it’s true what my friend said, you are bad, you are heartless.

But calm down, I’m not the type of person who likes to drag on in sadness. I’m always looking for new interesting things to learn. I have to get out of my comfort zone, forget about the jerk who likes to play women from behind. I’m slowly getting out of my dark zone, meeting new people, exchanging ideas, reading a lot of books, sharing many experienced with seniors, it’s an amazing thing. I can be one step ahead of him. It turns out that heartbreak isn’t that bad, it’s just that you can or can’t take advantage of that opportunity to continue to grow in front of him. Losing an important person who once stopped in my heart, now it’s not important.

I’m starting to learn to forget it, and start focusing on the goals in front of me. I still have friends who can listen to all my stories, I have a family figure who can be my back. So, don’t be sad especially with heart problems. If he can’t be with you now, believe me, God is preparing the biggest surprise that you never expected.

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