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The Sunset Dream

One late afternoon in September, I was heading home from a swim, riding my motorbike with my three beagles, two in front and one in the basket behind me.

The sun was setting in the west, the vast open sky was blazing with crimson, slate and purple hues, interspersed by slivers of bright gold.

I stopped my bike and drank in the stunning vista in awed reverence.

This was my favorite time of the day when the sun sets and the world was winding down towards repose.

A glorious sunset was always a welcomed bonus.

Suddenly, I was overcome by such strong longing, my heart beating, and tears started filling my eyes, as the longing gripped my whole being.

I had this thought: “I want to live with this view everyday, for the rest of my life.”

I sat there on my bike stunned by the revelation of my longing as darkness fell.

Just as I was in deep reverie, I saw a shadowy figure walking towards me, and I heard: “Mir… where are you going?“

It was my friend Lanny, who lived not a hundred yards from where I stopped.

She had this view from her back porch, lucky girl…

“I am going home,” I said. “Where are you going?”

“I’m taking a stroll after dinner.” Lanny replied.

“You’re lucky to have this view everyday”, I said.

Still filled with longing I said:

“Lan, if you know a house for rent in this area, please let me know, I really want to live here.”

“Great… you should, we’d be neighbors. I know several places for rent, I’ll call you tomorrow”, she said.

By afternoon the next day, I already got the house I wanted, a one-bedroom house right behind Lanny’s. My first offer was immediately accepted, no fuss, no negotiation. The owner and I were both happy.

I got myself a west-facing house smack dab in the middle of acres of rice fields fringed by a tropical wood with floor to ceiling glass windows and doors on three sides, and lots and lots of open space and sky.

I used to stay in hotels to get this sort of view.

And now, I was going to have this treat daily.

Within days I moved in, and started a new life, a life and a lifestyle I didn’t know I wanted nor needed.

Friends, I was reliving the happiest time in life, a time I have all but forgotten about it.

When I was three, my family moved from north of Bali to north Bali, to carve out a better life.

All they could afford at that time was a modest house at the outskirt of city.

It was literally the last house on the street, in the front and in the back, and beyond the house, there were only miles and miles of rice-fields as far as the eyes could see.

Abundant space, light and open sky, the road to town was dirt road, not yet paved.

During the rainy seasons, if one took the horse-drawn cart or ‘dokar’ to town, you would be swaying up and down with every dip, rise and pot holes, just like being on a boat.

My parents and everyone in the household were very busy, starting a bakery, no one really had time for me. So I was free to roam and play outside all day, sometimes alone, sometimes with my neighbors, as long as I came home to eat, shower and take a nap when I was supposed to.

We were poor, we ate sparingly.

We didn’t have electricity nor running water.

But I was happy to have space and open field to explore and play all day

It was the happiest time in my life growing up.

We stayed there for five years before moving to the city proper.

The new house was dark inside, with small windows and narrow corridors, adjacent to neighbors’ houses, I couldn’t even open my bedroom windows because they opened directly onto the street.

My parents fought a lot, they were unhappy, I was unhappy, I couldn’t escape the unhappiness by going to the open space like I used to.

I was no longer able to enjoy every moment like I used to.

The moments became dull, and I was surrounded by boring people, with little imagination, people who told me to stop dreaming, to just be normal like everyone else.

People who taught me to be satisfied for what we’ve got and not wanting things beyond our means.

Slowly and surely I too lost my imagination, lost my ability to dream wonders.

I stopped wanting, I stopped expecting.

Every time I saw something that created a stirring in me, something I wanted but couldn’t have, I looked away and swallowed my grief and disappointment.

When I became an adult, I would take holidays in hotels with beautiful views. But not once did I think I could have something I really wanted. I resigned to the occasional pleasure of viewing the sunsets that would require me to travel somewhere. I console myself by saying I already had it good, because I could stay at nice hotels with nice views a few times a year.

But deep down I knew I wanted more… I just didn’t allow myself to want.

Through my work as a life coach, and from conversing with people, I learned that I was not alone in my predicament.

Nod your head if you had been in my shoes, when you settled for less because you or someone told you that what you have was already enough?

Or to stop wanting when you didn’t know how to get what you want?

It took me 50 years, that’s right 50 years to just let myself want and ask for what I want.

It took me that long to dare to ask without worrying about the how, and trust that God will give it to me…

Ask and you shall be given. And so I did.

I asked that September evening for a house with a sunset view I got a house with space, light and fresh air in spades.

These days, I start and end my day in the garden, surrounded by the vibrant nature,

and seeing more animals than people, sprawled on a large tosca green beanbag, canopied by wide open sky, finches, white herons, kingfishers, flying and chirping above and around me, leaves, trees and flowers swaying in the breeze…

All creature and nature active and productive, wondering how birds fly in formation, why no two flowers, no two leaves, no two blades of grass are exactly the same.

And how they all open up towards the sky, supplicant and devotional…

Now, I don’t have a glorious sunset everyday, sometimes the sky is cloudy.

But more often than not I got my sunset dream painted across the sky in a riot of purples, oranges and crimsons…

My 5 year old is happy again. My 59 year old self is happy

But the happiest thing is now I am having a blast wanting and asking a myriad of things without concerning myself with the how. I let God figure it out.

I would like to invite you to join me right now, to be bold, to be daring, to ask for your own sunset dream.

Remember, ASK, and you shall be given.

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